It is a question that has been on my mind a lot recently. Though I am only 24 years of age, I believe I have experienced true love. And I have also lost it. Or rather, I have lost the person I love. Because even though she is no longer in my life, even though I know we cannot be together, I still love her. Whenever I’m alone and drifting through the wind, I think of her. I think of the feeling she gave me when I was close to her. I think of how everything in the world was right when she was laying in my arms.
If this sounds like it came right out of The Notebook, then you’re not far off because I’m writing this just after having watched it. It’s incredible how much movies can shape our view of the world. I grew up watching sappy rom-coms with my mom, thinking there was some sort of divine power that brings two people together if they were fierce enough to surrender to it. I wish it were like that.
The reality of love is much different. Somehow, it’s possible that at one point, the love you feel for someone is all-encompassing, and the next moment, it’s not enough. How first, you can believe you were meant to be together, and then you realize this is just a fiction of the mind. Because love, just like any movie, is fiction. It is a story we tell ourselves. And some people never stop believing this story. I envy them.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid that this is a cycle that will repeat itself for eternity. Loneliness, passion, boredom, heartbreak, repeat. Maybe you just haven’t found the right person? I hope you’re right. Maybe I need to get out there. Maybe I have to surrender to the world and experience everything it has to offer. Maybe I have to see all that is out there to realize that nothing can ever satisfy me completely. And maybe then I will meet someone I can settle with. But I have this gnawing feeling that it will always seem like settling for.