I’m trying to stay calm and take it one step at a time, but I can’t help but wonder where my life is going. I don’t really feel like creating another rap song for the time being, I have lots of ideas for content but I don’t really feel like making them, I want to try standup comedy but the thought of sitting down and trying to write jokes is torture. And how does one even start an acting career? My mom says now that I’m no longer studying, she won’t support me financially anymore. What a bitch! Nah but

Continue readingWhere the fuck is my life going?

For a long time, I used sitcoms to escape reality. I imagined I was part of the friend group or family I was watching because I lacked my own. I was lonely. It became an addiction. (I call this phenomenon The Sitcom Friendship) So last summer, I decided to try to beat my addiction and eschew sitcoms. I thought they were foul, not worthy, and that I should direct my attention at ‘real’ art, especially since I wanted to become a great director. But honestly, I’ve never been the artsy type. I’ve never gotten along with other artsy types either.

Continue readingSitcoms aren’t the enemy

I’m feeling anxious again. I feel lonely. I feel incomplete. I feel insufficient. I’m afraid of not living up to my own expectations. All I really want, deep down, is to be loved. I want a partner, I want a friend group, I want an audience. I’m deeply afraid that I’m a narcissist and that I’ll never be truly happy because nothing will ever be able to satisfy my massive ego. When I was a teenager, I wrote an essay that said all I really wanted was just to hang out with friends and laugh our assess off. I’ve been

Continue readingSurrender

Another day, another wordvomit. I’m currently on vacation, or should I say ‘vacation’ in Mallorca. I’m by myself, and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety. I constantly fall into bouts of loneliness, melancholy and longing in between the short bursts of relaxation and optimism. I set out on this trip knowing that all of this could happen, and I set my intentions accordingly: to not fall victim and just enjoy my trip. But of course nothing went according to plan. It’s not like I haven’t enjoyed myself, I’ve seen some beautiful sights, read some amazing books and had some

Continue readingSolo travel, solo creation, fuck BCG