For a long time, I used sitcoms to escape reality. I imagined I was part of the friend group or family I was watching because I lacked my own. I was lonely. It became an addiction. (I call this phenomenon The Sitcom Friendship) So last summer, I decided to try to beat my addiction and eschew sitcoms. I thought they were foul, not worthy, and that I should direct my attention at ‘real’ art, especially since I wanted to become a great director. But honestly, I’ve never been the artsy type. I’ve never gotten along with other artsy types either.

Continue readingSitcoms aren’t the enemy

I’m feeling anxious again. I feel lonely. I feel incomplete. I feel insufficient. I’m afraid of not living up to my own expectations. All I really want, deep down, is to be loved. I want a partner, I want a friend group, I want an audience. I’m deeply afraid that I’m a narcissist and that I’ll never be truly happy because nothing will ever be able to satisfy my massive ego. When I was a teenager, I wrote an essay that said all I really wanted was just to hang out with friends and laugh our assess off. I’ve been

Continue readingSurrender

Another day, another wordvomit. I’m currently on vacation, or should I say ‘vacation’ in Mallorca. I’m by myself, and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety. I constantly fall into bouts of loneliness, melancholy and longing in between the short bursts of relaxation and optimism. I set out on this trip knowing that all of this could happen, and I set my intentions accordingly: to not fall victim and just enjoy my trip. But of course nothing went according to plan. It’s not like I haven’t enjoyed myself, I’ve seen some beautiful sights, read some amazing books and had some

Continue readingSolo travel, solo creation, fuck BCG